Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
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2:03 pm
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I was walking through a park this morning, and someone had raked the autumn leaves into piles, I was so tempted to jump in them and kick the leaves around. I didn't though. Rather I thought and wished I had someone to hug and playfully wrestle in the leaves with. Strange how a warm thought can leave you feeling empty.
Update:
* I'm studying business. (Hate it.)
* Living alone in an apartment in "Moora". (I like it, but it's too big for one person, sometimes I feel lost.)
* Current relationship is rocky.
* Doctor has boosted up my anti-depressants.
I've dressed up all nice today. Hair done up and makeup too. I did it to make myself feel better about myself and to stop me from moping around. I'm happy with the results, I just wish I had somewhere to go and show off now.
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Friday, April 23rd, 2004
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3:18 pm
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Still no news on my future studies. Things are at a stand still, and I hate that. I like it when plans are being made and then set into motion. I don't like being in the lurch. Sigh.
Sometimes I wonder whether I should give up my hopes for a professional career and just become a housewife or at the worst an "escort".
current mood:  drained
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Thursday, April 8th, 2004
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3:02 pm - I have no luck with computers
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Well at the LAN T was resposible for my RAM (he put it in upside-down), killed the slot on the motherboard too.
Oh well.
Still don't know what the original problem with the PC is; I just know it's being a pain in the a*s.
I'm not happy with my class and it's nearing 2nd semester. I have a few choices:
- Do my class via correspondence.
- Quit and get a job until next year when I resume studies again.
- Change course to Animal Attending Cert 2, or Animal Studies Cert 2 (which would mean I'ld have to move so I'ld be near a campus that runs those courses).
I like choice 3. I'ld move to Newcastle, where A lives. Hopefully either of those 2 stated courses will begin anew 2nd semester. Fingerscrossed.
I'm getting my bunnies back today now that they've had their holidays. It's easter time so it's back to work for them.
I picked up their new hutch tuesday so I'm eager to see their reactions.
current mood:  excited
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Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
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9:04 pm - My PC = Da Crap Machine
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I've had my PC for a week.
It worked fine for 3 days.
Now today, a week later, I WAS at an all-nighter LAN. Well my powersupply got fried within the first hour of arriving. Can't replace it until Monday.
Now I'm stuck 1.5 hours away from home, with a dead bitchy PC, until my ride in the morning. Joy.
Oh I'm typing this on my dads PC. I left the LAN soon after to stay the night at my dads nearby.
My old room is choc-full of dads bitch GFs porcelain dolls. Joy, again. Porcelain dolls freak me out; I hate their cold, observing eyes.
Bleh.
Oooh another thing to complain about how things were at the LAN; M never made the slightest attempt at helping with my PC, poor T tried his hardest for me. I really appreciate his efforts, and I could just about give M a good boot up the ass for yaking to people rather than helping. Took until the fried powersupply to get any notice from him.
(Thanks T)
current mood:  grumpy
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Thursday, March 25th, 2004
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4:49 pm - Tomorrow, Tomorrow...
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Tomorrow M is coming to visit me in Corowa.
Hehehe I'm gonna make sure this weekend will be lots of fun, and very likely R-rated.
current mood: excited
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Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
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5:28 pm - I hate decision making
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I have a choice to make on where to live.
Either I do end up staying in Holbrook (things there were sorted out) or I could move into a place in Howlong (arrangements had been made for saturday).
M said "Do whatever makes you happy" but I really wish he had said something to sway me because I'm torn between the two. I might be acting a bit childish more or less wanting someone else to make the decision for me, but I know whatever I do decide I wont be completely content with it.
In Holbrook I have M. I can't bear to leave him, especially for a town so far away from Holbrook (1.3 hours away).
In Howlong I'm 15 min away from my mum in one direction and 15 min from dad in the other. School will only be a 20 min bus journey instead of the current 1.5 hr in holbrook.
Across the road from the place in Howlong is a field of friendly white bunnies.
I'm so torn.
Secretly in my mind I keep thinking; "Things would be perfect if Matt moved to Howlong with me." But I can't say this because it is too selfish of me, and if he did come his family would despise me for it.
What shall I do?
current mood:  anxious
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Monday, March 22nd, 2004
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2:12 pm - Whats been happening...
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Okay, since my last entry quite a few things have happened.
I'll begin with being a passenger of a car in the wrong lane heading towards 2 trucks.
Second I've been so fatigued I couldn't comprehend simple questions. My doc suggested a week off from school.
I'm not boarding in Holbrook now so I gotta find somewhere to stay ASAP. At the moment I'm stuck at my mums.
I'm not on good terms with my father cause he cares more about money than my wellbeing and he makes no attempt at taking an interest in the things I like.
M doesn't seem to care about me moving out. Not even the slightest bit upset.
I'm more or less at a loss of what to do.
I would be so much happier if my best friend, A, were here to help me. I wish she came back to Albury.
Sometimes I feel like crying but I can't. I'm just glad I've got my bunnies. They always cheer me up.
current mood:  sad
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Monday, March 15th, 2004
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9:40 pm
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I love lists, so....
Todays Events-
* 11am - got up and played solitaire
* 2pm - nagged M to go to for a romantic walk and picnic (failed)
* 2.30pm - played solitaire
* 3pm - finally got M out of the house
-- lost track of time here--
* 6pm - phoned mum in hospital
* 6.30pm - watched Trigun
* 9pm - made M jealous over Pip (bunny) getting lots of affection
* Now - I'ma make milkshakes :D
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Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
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3:57 pm - Drunkeness...
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During a recent conversation about alcohol and parties it occured to me that I have never actually been totally wasted.
Sure I've been tipsy but not drunk DRUNK.
So my goal for this year on top of: dieting and getting my licence is to go to a party and get smashed. Only the once of course. Just once. I'm pretty anti-social so I can't see it forming into a habit since it's quite against my personality. But hell, I wanna experience a friggin hangover just once!
Onto a better topic, I've put a new hutch on lay-by for my bunnies. It's got a ramp and removable floors for easy cleaning. Hi-tech bunnies! (somewhat).
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Monday, March 8th, 2004
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1:30 am
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I walked into my home
let my bag succumb
to gravity
my face is sunburnt
my mouth dry
I step into the kitchen
open the fridge
remove the juice carton
I turn around
and see Him
I smile
He attempts to smile
I place the carton on the table
take a cup
fingers are sweaty
cup slips and falls
He grins at my clumsiness
I sigh
He takes me into his arms
I smile
~AE
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Saturday, March 6th, 2004
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5:18 pm - right, new online journal
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Perhaps this journal with last longer compared to the past 5?
Oh well, doesn't matter anyway, right?
Cripes, just get started and I have to DX the internet. Fabulous start to my journal.
I hereby promise to make a proper entry at a later date.
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